Yep, Marlon Wayans is in one of this weekend's movies. And some big ol' subway trains are too! What more can you ask for? (*)
- (*) That's not a rhetorical question – answer me, dammit!
By inserting this photo, my blog title becomes 100%
accurate.
Friday, Feb. 3, 10pm, plus Saturday, Feb 4, 3am, 3:30pm and 10pm. BONUS! Sunday, Feb. 5, 3:30am – G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Saturday, Feb. 4, 12:30am – Taking of Pelham 123
Saturday, Feb. 4, 12:30pm, plus Sunday, Feb. 5, 12:30am – Minority Report
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
The cast: Dennis Quaid, Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans
The Showcase synopsis: "G.I. Joe takes on an evil organization led by a notorious arms dealer."
The dad pun Twitter hashtag: #ThisMovieGaveMyCobraARise!
Okay, even the Queen Mum (God rest her soul) knows 'G.I. Joe' is the code name for an elite covert Special Forces unit operating under the control of the United States Military. Simply put, the G.I. Joe guys are an ass-kicking bunch of patriots that mean business. In fact, meaning business IS their business. Plus, when your squad consists of the least crazy Quaid brother, the least annoying Wayans brother, and Channing Tatum, a guy who had to get tough awfully quick after his parents gave him a girl name, it's clear the Badass-o-Meter's gonna be cranked to eleven. Watch this movie or the Joes will END you, traitor.
The G.I. Joes doing the ol’ Law & Order Opening Credits Walk.
Taking of Pelham 123
The cast: John Travolta, Denzel Washington, Luis Freakin' Guzmán
The Showcase synopsis: "Armed men hijack a New York City subway train, holding the passengers hostage in return for a ransom, and turning an ordinary day's work for dispatcher Walter Garber into a face-off with the mastermind behind the crime."
The dad pun Twitter hashtag: #TakeMyPelham…Please!
Here's the straight goods: with a little elbow grease, pretty much any armchair train hijacker could take Pelham 1. It was the first of the Pelhams, and although not 'buggy' per se, let's just agree a lot of its features were still being beta tested. Most of these kinks were worked out by the time Pelham 2 rolled around, so theft-wise, not as easy a task. That being said, I'll give John Q. Regular-Guy Hijacker the benefit of the doubt and say he could possibly take that too.
But folks, you'd need a special kind of malevolent supervillian to take Pelham 1, 2, AND 3. By volume alone that's a serious buttload of Pelhams. Ah, but that's where John Travolta comes in. And come in he does, 'cause John's character – the nefarious Pellhamburglar – grabs the New York subway system by the brass cojones!
Okay, I've just been informed 'Pelham 123' is the name of one singular NYC train, as opposed to, you know, three.
Additionally, it turns out Travolta's character goes by the name 'Ryder,' and not 'Pellhamburglar,' as was previously implied. Otherwise, everything else in this blog is very, absolutely correct.
Disregard this.
Minority Report
The cast: Tom Cruise, Colin Farrell, Samantha Morton
The Showcase synopsis: "Tom Cruise stars as a Washington, D.C. detective in the year
2054. He works for a special police unit that arrests murderers before they've committed their actual crimes."
The dad pun Twitter hashtag: #MinorityGetsAmajorityOfThumbsUp!
I always enjoy movies and TV shows made several years ago that are set in the future. Once, I saw an old episode of The Time Tunnel from 1967, where Doug and Tony travel to the 'future,' a.k.a. 1978. While there, they face several 1978-esque obstacles, including immobilization rays, citywide force fields, and alien-controlled societies. Which to The Time Tunnel's credit is an eerily precise depiction of the late seventies.
Minority Report – which is set in 2054 – hit theatres a full decade ago. And although 2054 is still a ways away, I reckon Spielberg's brilliant vision of that fateful future-year holds up quite nicely. With one exception: I'm thinking that 40 years from now, scientists will have found a cure for men under the height of 5'6".
“No video games until you finish your minority report, young man!”