A few important – nay, vital – things you need to know about these Weekend Movie blogs. 1) They provide vital information on upcoming movies. 2) These movies take place each weekend. 3) The aforementioned movies that take place each weekend are aired on Showcase.
I’m glad we had a chance to discuss this. Personally, I feel a lot better.
Post script: A TV set and a Showcase subscription are needed to watch these weekend movies.
Friday, Jan. 27, 10pm – Wedding Crashers
Saturday, Jan. 28, 12:30am, 2:30am and 10pm – The Hangover
Saturday, Jan. 28, 1pm, plus Sunday Jan. 29, 12am – Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Saturday, Jan. 28, 3:30pm, plus Sunday, Jan. 29, 2:30am – Night at the Museum
Wedding Crashers
The cast: Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughn, Rachel McAdams
The Showcase synopsis: “Two partying divorce attorneys – and committed womanizers– have figured out a surefire way to meet women: they crash weddings.”
The dad pun Twitter hashtag: #Vaughntastic!
Crashing weddings is never, ever a bad idea. Hell, for free food and drink, I’ll crash some snotty kid’s Bar Mitzvah. And I’ll slow dance with his bubbie right in freaking front of him. And if you think I’ll feel remorse about this, you don’t know the first rule of Bar Mitzvah crashing. (*)
- (*) The first rule of Bar Mitzvah crashing: don’t feel remorse.
Equally important is the second rule of Bar Mitzvah crashing: always pretend you’re the hired magician. This way, you can strut your stuff from table to table, which is the perfect way to ensconce yourself in the festivities and earn everyone’s trust. Then, a couple of sleight-of-hand-tricks-you-learned-off-Google later, you’re pulling in some serious tips to boot. Ka-ching!
If you run into the Bar Mitzvah kid’s mom and she questions your authenticity, just say you were a package deal with the rental hall. As a former tween who once had a Bar Mitzvah party of his own, I can tell you straight up: no parent turns down a package deal. Ever.
“Is THIS your yarmulke, young man?”
The Hangover
The cast: Zach Galifianakis, Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Ken Jeong
The Showcase synopsis: “A Las Vegas-set comedy centered around three groomsmen who lose their about-to-be-wed buddy during their drunken misadventures, then must retrace their steps in order to find him.”
The dad pun Twitter hashtag: #HangOVERtheTopThrills!
The Hangover is the prequel to The Hangover Part II, a film that came out a couple of years after The Hangover. You’re in luck though: you don’t need to have seen The Hangover Part II to enjoy The Hangover. In fact, quite the opposite: a strong knowledge of The Hangover will only enhance your appreciation of The Hangover Part II.
Why? Well, because as a prequel, the events in The Hangover actually take place – get this – before (!) The Hangover Part II. “Whoa, are we talking time travel?” you’re no doubt asking. Well, that’s an oversimplification, my inquisitive friend. But if you find this too much of a noodle-scratcher, dropping a quick e-mail to the gentleman below should set things right.
“Please, ‘Stephen’ is so formal. Call me the Hawk.”
Night at the Museum
The cast: Ben Stiller, Robin Williams, Mickey Rooney, Steve Coogan
The Showcase synopsis: “A down-on-his-luck museum security guard witnesses extraordinary things each night: Mayans, Roman Gladiators, and cowboys emerging from their dioramas to wage epic battles; Attila the Hun pillaging his neighboring exhibits, and a T-Rex reminding everyone why he's history's fiercest predator.”
The dad pun Twitter hashtag: #StillerIsAThriller!
This flick’s hilarious – you’ll love it. Unless maybe you’re one of them ‘cultured’ folk who’d rather spend their weekend in a real museum. Is that you?
I didn’t think so. Now plop down on that couch and start watching.
“I dare say, the new James Rosenquist exhibit at the MOMA is quite corking indeed.”
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
The cast: Harrison Ford, Cate Blanchett, Karen Allen, Shia LaBeouf
The Showcase synopsis: “Famed archaeologist/adventurer Dr. Henry ‘Indiana’ Jones is called back into action when he becomes entangled in a Soviet plot to uncover the secret behind mysterious artifacts known as the Crystal Skulls.”
The dad pun Twitter hashtag: #I’mJONESINGforThisMovie!
There are myriad reasons to watch this film. It took nearly 20 years to hit the big screen. Indiana Jones is an iconic character in the annals of cinematic history. Shia LaBeouf gets smacked around… the list goes on. But for me, it’s all about Karen Allen, a.k.a. one of the awesomest actresses around.
Am I maybe harbouring a slight crush on Ms. Allen? That’s neither here nor there. Did I perhaps adoringly pop into her clothing boutique during my visit to rural Massachusetts last fall? That’s on a need-to-know basis. All you should concern yourself with is the fact she’s an ethereal demi-goddess with powers even the Hawk can’t fully wrap his nerd brain around.
Karen Allen is the opposite of the Lost Ark: gaze directly unto her and eternal bliss is yours.
To remind: the woman on the left did not cause the face melting on the right.