Hi. You know the drill.

                                                         Remember? From before?

Friday, Feb. 10, 10pm, plus Saturday, Feb 11, 2:30am – Wanted
Saturday, Feb. 11, 12:30am – Ninja Assassin
Saturday, Feb. 11, 1pm, plus Sunday, Feb. 12, 12:30am – Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Saturday, Feb. 11, 3:30pm and 10pm, plus Sunday, Feb. 12, 3am – Ghost Rider

Wanted

The cast: Angelina Jolie, James McAvoy, Morgan Freeman
The Showcase synopsis: “A frustrated office worker learns he is the son of a professional assassin, and that he shares his father's superhuman killing abilities.”
The dad pun Twitter hashtag: #Canada’sMostWanted!

Listen, friend: You could blather on about how you saw Wanted in theatres back in 2008, and it was a grand ol’ time. Maybe you brought a date with you. Or you caught the early show with some workmate pals before hitting the big game. Or perhaps the whole family went out and saw it at the drive-in one starry night.

But the thing is, we know you haven’t seen this flick. It slipped through the cracks of your life like those old high school pals that slowly fell off the radar one by one (“We’ll be friends forever!” – You, circa 12th grade).

So now’s your chance to set things right. Not unlike Kyle Reese when he traveled back in time to stop the Terminator from, you know, terminating stuff. I shouldn’t put too fine a point on it, but humanity is kind of depending on you. So don’t be a dick.  

                                       “Come on, you knucklehead – give auntie Angie a hug!” 

Ninja Assassin

The cast: Rain, Naomie Harris, Ben Miles, Rick Yune
The Showcase synopsis: “A deadly young ninja turns his back on the orphanage that raised him, leading to a confrontation with a fellow ninja from the clan.”
The dad pun Twitter hashtag: #RazzMaTazzin’Assassin!

Sometimes a regular old garden-variety assassin ain’t gonna cut it.

Sometimes you need a ninja assassin.

This is one of those times.

                             From left to right: radiator, ninja assassin, mid-century modern chair. 

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

The cast: Harrison Ford, Sean Connery
The Showcase synopsis: “When Dr. Henry Jones Sr. suddenly goes missing while pursuing the Holy Grail, eminent archaeologist Indiana Jones must follow in his father's footsteps and stop the Nazis.”
The dad pun Twitter hashtag: #Mr.JonesAndMe

When you really scratch the ol’ noodle and think about it, it’s not often Han Solo and James Bond appear in a film together. “Hey, what about Thunderball?” you’re asking. Nope – that was just Bond. “Return of the Jedi?” Naw – Han went solo on that. “Gremlins 2?” Okay, now you’re way off base.

Anyhow, that’s the magic of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Harrison Ford and Sean Connery sharing the screen, teaming up to thwart bad guys, making da ladies swoon, and maybe hauling off with a little centuries-old bling. You know, exactly like the adventures you used have with your dad. (*)

• (*) Unless he didn’t do every one of these things with you, in which case he was a terrible father.

Is this the first of many crusades these modern(ish)-day swashbucklers will have together? Re-read the film’s title, junior. As crusades go, it’s pretty much their swan song. So get watching!

                   ”I swear, dad, there was an Ark this one time and I totally found it!”

Ghost Rider

The cast: Nicolas Cage, Wes Bentley, Eva Mendes, Peter Fonda
The Showcase synopsis: “Based on the Marvel character, stunt motorcyclist Johnny Blaze gives up his soul to become a hellblazing vigilante, to fight against power-hungry Blackheart, the son of the devil himself.”
The dad pun Twitter hashtag: #BlazingStraddles

Let’s clear things up right out of the gate: when I make reference to Ghost Rider, I’m talking about the badass, flaming-skulled badass superhero who badassedly rides around on a badass motorcycle. Ghost Rider is not a mild-mannered jockey who solves thoroughbred-related racetrack crimes by riding around on the ghost of his ex-roommate. That’s a totally different guy, and one I’m legally prohibited from discussing since Marvel slapped me with that 2009 cease and desist order.

That said, should there not be room enough for two Ghost Riders in this 7-billion person planet of ours? One Ghost Rider for the hip comic book and movie-seeking crowd, and yet another Ghost Rider for those with a love of diminutive equestrians and sleuthy phantom-based buddy relationships? That’s rhetorical question, fair readers, albeit one I have no qualms of asking the legal team of a certain comic book company, should they ever return my calls.

                                                     “It only hurts when I laugh.”