One-man bad guy-destroying heroes make for awesome decades-spanning movie franchises.

The above is a compelling hypothesis to be sure, and not just because I came up with it (although admittedly that don’t hurt none). And it’s one we here at Showcase intend to prove – this weekend – through the medium of contemporary cinema. The case studies we’ll present are two fellows who are no stranger to carnage: Messrs. James Bond and John Rambo.

                   Apparently these men have never been photographed together. WTF?

Friday, Jan. 20, 10pm – The World Is Not Enough
Saturday, Jan. 21, 1am and 12:30pm – Die Another Day
Saturday, Jan. 21, 3:30pm, plus Sunday Jan. 22, 12am – Quantum of Solace
Saturday, Jan. 21, 10pm, plus Sunday, Jan. 22, 2:30am – Rambo (2008)

The World Is Not Enough
The cast: Pierce Brosnan, Sophie Marceau, Judi Dench, and Robert Carlyle
The Showcase synopsis: “James Bond uncovers a nuclear plot when he protects an oil heiress from her former kidnapper: an international terrorist who can't feel pain.”
The dad pun Twitter hashtag: #FiveStarsIsNotEnough!

Is the world enough? Spoiler alert: it’s not.

                                           Far right: miniature Judi Dench sneaks a peek.

Die Another Day (or as the Germans call it, The Another Day)
The cast: Pierce Brosnan, Halle Berry, and Rosamund Pike
The Showcase synopsis: “James Bond is sent to investigate the connection between a North Korean terrorist and a diamond mogul who’s funding the development of an international space weapon.”
The dad pun Twitter hashtag: #HALLE-lujah!whataBERRYgoodfilm!

Those dastardly North Koreans are at it again, and James Bond’s job is to set things straight, Jack. If you’ve got a problem with that, take it up with MI6 or Interpol or Scotland Yard or whatever Euro-agency you think might give a crap.

My point here is that James Bond plays by his own damn rules. Well, except in Casino Royale, where he kinda had to play by the house rules. But don’t let that diminish the argument. All you need to know is that in Die Another Day, it’s Bond vs. his greatest foe yet: a guy with a bunch of diamonds stuck to his face.

                             Light-speed Bond may not look like much, but he can make
                                          the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs.

Quantum of Solace
The cast: Daniel Craig, Judi Dench, and Giancarlo Giannini
The Showcase synopsis: “When James Bond uncovers a conspiracy to take control of one of the world's most important natural resources, he must navigate a minefield of treachery, deception and murder to neutralize a ruthless businessman before it's too late.”
The dad pun Twitter hashtag: #LeapTowardTHISQuantum!

Okay, let me blow your mind for a moment, courtesy of my second blog hypothesis of the day. Ready?
 
James Bond is the Doctor Who of the spy world.

Hear me out on this. Both characters are charming, ultra-intelligent Brits who were introduced to viewers in the 1960s. They surround themselves with attractive women, thwart supervillians on a regular basis, travel in ultra-fast vehicles, and completely change their face every few years. Below: a little thing I put together called ‘Exhibit A.’

                                                       Even the fonts are the same. Eerie…

Uncanny, no? Yet another similarity: lately, my favourite Doctor Who has been Matt Smith, a.k.a. the youngest, most recent incarnation. My favourite James Bond? Daniel Craig, a.k.a. the youngest, most recent incarnation. Coincidence? Read The Celestine Prophecy – there aren’t any coincidences in life, Jack! (*)

• (*) Don’t read The Celestine Prophecy – it’s worse than tuna-banana Jell-O.

I also love Daniel Craig’s Bond because as you can see below in Exhibit B, dude just don’t give a flying F.

                            “Sorry love – when you enter MY movie, you take your shoes off.”

Rambo
The cast: Sylvester Stallone and a bunch of non-Sylvester Stallone dudes
The Showcase synopsis: “When aid workers are captured by the Burmese army, John Rambo ventures alone into a war zone to rescue them.”
The dad pun Twitter hashtag: #ThisMovie’sAGrandSLAMbo!

Okay, let’s get the confusion out of the way. In 1985, Sylvester Stallone made a movie about Rambo called Rambo. The follow-up to this film was (naturally) called Rambo 3. Then in 2008, he made the long-awaited sequel to Rambo 3, titled Rambo.

I think that should clear things up. But on the off chance it doesn’t, let’s simply refer to this movie by its technical name – Rambo 4: Rambo.

Okay, good. So in Rambo 4: Rambo, Rambo does what he does best: he singlehandedly takes on an entire freakin’ army. See, that’s the problem with most military forces: they’re trained to fight other militaries. Pit them against one guy and the system falls apart. And if that one guy also just happens to be Rambo? Hoooo boy. Good luck, fellas.

                                         “Okay, on three we synchronize necks.”