Happiest of New Years to all y’alls! We trust your hangovers have subsided and you’re back at the jobs you not-so-secretly hate, running out the clock until your seniors pensions kick in a few decades from now. Hey, that’s what January is all about!

My point here is this ain’t exactly the most uplifting month on the ol’ Gregorian calendar. And if those Mayans got off their lazy asses and churned out a 2012 calendar of their own, the end result would be the same: January is a bit of a buzzkill.

Fortunately, your pals at Showcase are here to lift your spirits, courtesy of some high-octane weekend movies. Consider them a form of Prozac, only without all those annoying sexual side effects.

                                       I suppose the word ‘annoying’ is somewhat redundant.

Saturday, Jan. 7, 12am and 4am – Fast & Furious
Saturday, Jan. 7, 2:30pm and 10pm, plus Sunday, Jan. 8, 1:30am – 2012
Saturday, Jan 7, 8pm – Day of the Triffids pt. 1
Sunday, Jan 8, 7 pm – Day of the Triffids pt. 2

Fast & Furious
The cast: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez
The Showcase synopsis: “Brian O'Conner (Walker), now working for the FBI in LA, teams up with Dominic Toretto (Diesel) to bring down a heroin importer by infiltrating his operation.”

We all know street racing is strictly verboten outside of film and TV. A safety-conscious French instructor taught me this on my first day of kindergarten. Something to the effect of, “Kids, twelve years from now when you get your driver’s licenses, don’t take your five-speed twin-turbo 1500 horsepower Chevy Camaro on reckless joyrides through highways, service roads and sleepy residential areas.”

Mme. Tremblay had a salient argument, one by which I’ve abided ever since. As such, I want, nay need a vicarious outlet to unleash my inner speed demon. This is where Fast & Furious comes into play. Chases and crashes? Yep. ‘Splosions? Damn right. Driving well inside the U.S. speed limit of 55mph? Not likely, grandma!

                                 “Watch the movie or our disembodied heads will haunt this car.”

2012
The cast: John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Danny Glover, Woody Harrelson
The Showcase synopsis: “Jackson Curtis (Cusack) tries to bring his children, ex-wife, and her boyfriend to refuge with the hopes of escaping global disaster foretold by Mayan prophecy.” 

Yet another way to escape the January doldrums? Find ways to revel in the misfortune of others. It’s easy, it’s free (well, not karmically, but whatever), and with the exception of the victims, it’s completely victimless. 

As such, 2012 is the movie for you. Although our world is doing fine, the parallel universe Earth portrayed in this flick is having a case of the Mondays, courtesy of the ol’ ‘End of Days’ conundrum (think Y2K, only with cataclysmic solar flares and rising sea levels).

Although you’ll want to root for our heroes (Cusack, Peet, et al), feel free to smugly fete the widescale carnage that afflicts the rest of the planet. Sure, the weather is pretty crap in our universe this month, but at least we’re not counting down the days to full-scale annihilation. In your face, supporting characters in 2012!

See, doesn’t that feel good?

                                                  "And there goes my security deposit…"


The Day of the Triffids
The cast: Brian Cox, Vanessa Redgrave, Jason Priestley, Eddie Izzard
The Showcase synopsis: “With the world blinded by vicious, carnivorous plants known as Triffids, a scattered band of survivors attempts to fight off their invasion.”

Not unlike Martin Luther King and our canine companions, every Triffid has its day. Which for the protagonists in this two-part BBC miniseries, is a touch frustrating. You see, we as humans have an innate aversion to sentient plant-life displaying homicidal tendencies. Pretty much since that incident in the U.S. Civil War. (*)

• (*) The details are classified – sorry.

As such, when the botanical killing spree begins – and believe me, it done beginz! – things aren’t particularly plant-tastic (!) for our UK friends across the pond. Just sayin’.

Side note: glad to see Jason Priestley (90210, Call Me Fitz) in this film. I had the pleasure of dining with him in Toronto a couple of years back, and he displayed zero fear when the salad appetizer was served. Right then I should have known he was born to play a vegetation fighter. 

Additional side note: yes, we here at Showcase are aware that airing Day of the Triffids over two days carries a certain ironic baggage. Just give us a mulligan on this one, will ya?


                              Be sure to compost this font when you’re done viewing the film.