This week’s BN episode has an Argentinian dude seeking revenge on a tech company that poisoned his little Argentinian town and – by extension – his even littler Argentinian daughter. It’s a thick serving of drama, which makes sense since Argentina is nothing if not dramatic, dark and deadly serious. I was there in August, 1998, and let me tell you, it was all those things and more.
For the sake of brevity, I’ll cut to the harsh tale. After a dinner-and-tango show, I took a cab to my hotel room in downtown Buenos Aires. I closed the door behind me, locked it, and turned on the television to unwind from the awful, awful tango.
The should-be-forbidden dance.
On Spanish HBO was the Kathy Bates film Dolores Claiborne. I settled in and began watching. Then, out of the blue, shit got real.
Check this out: Dolores – a no-nonsense domestic servant living in Maine – gets accused of tossing her employer of twenty years down the stairs to her death. And here’s the kicker: Dolores totally didn’t do it! I was all like, “Sweet Jebus, this can’t be good!”
Ah, but it gets worse. Through a series of flashbacks, we discover that years earlier, Dolores was married to an abusive redneck who made her life miserable by drunkenly abusing her and her daughter. To the point where eventually, she had no choice but to toss him down an old abandoned well. Pretty brutal, but you’ve gotta remember, the dude was a real SOB and kinda deserved it!
Anyhow, there was never enough evidence to charge Dolores for this, but OMG, the police guy who’s pinning the dead boss’s murder on her is the same guy who unsuccessfully tried to pin hubby’s death on her back in the day. And this time, some two decades later, he’s not backing down. Hoo boy!
Fortunately, cooler heads prevail, and with the help of her formerly estranged daughter, Dolores clears her name and avoids spending the rest of her life in prison. But hijo de pŭta, it was touch and go there for a while. It just goes to show, Argentina is one seriously intense roller-coaster ride of a country, where all types of craziness can go down if you’re not careful.
“¡A veces, ser una pŭta es una mujer tiene que agarrarse!”
BN Season 3, Episode 15: ‘Good Intentions.’ Listen gang: I work for the broadcaster, so we all know it’s unlikely I’ll ever deviate from the party line and say something negative about Burn Notice. I get paid in gold bars, and if Showcase’s gold bar truck ever stops backing up into my driveway, it ain’t gonna be on account of me trash talking the mighty BN. Not gonna happen.
This image came up when I Googled ‘gold bars.’
I dunno man, just go with it.
But believe me when I tell you these two things: 1) I love Burn Notice more than I love approximately 70% of my friends, and 2) this week’s episode was OFF THE HIZZAY in its awesomeness. Possibly the best episode of the season so far – and there’s only one left, so that’s saying loads. (*)
- (*) It’s so good, it’s also the best episode of several other shows, including CSI: NY, Designing Women, and the old Smurfs cartoons.
We’re talking gut-wrenching drama, moral ambiguity, fantastic ‘splosions, and some inspired comedic moments to boot (when Maddie Westen makes you laugh out loud twice in 30 seconds, you know the writers have brought their A game). Not to mention this sucker was pretty much a nail-biter from frame one.
Okay, technically, THIS is frame one. It’s a figure of speech, hater.
Now normally, this is where I give you the ol’ in-depth step-by-step recap of what goes down story-wise. But I’m going to keep it brief and vague this week, ‘cause you should really watch the episode instead. Or re-watch it if you already have. You know you want to. Here’s the link.
The basic gist: as noted above, an Argentinian fellow named Gabriel (played by 24’s Carlos Bernard) is seeking revenge on a nasty corporation for killing his daughter. He’s this week’s bad guy, and yet he’s also not entirely the bad guy, ‘cause you know, his DAUGHTER, man. (*)
- (*) She was one of his favourite kids.
Gabriel’s kidnapped an employee of the company and is threatening to kill him if they don’t pack up and get the F outta Dodge (‘Dodge’ being a euphemism for Argentina). Although empathetic to his plight, Fiona’s goal is to stop all this from going down. Which leads to some problems. Of the running-away-from-giant-fireballs persuasion…
He’s at the 30… the 20… He could go ALL. THE. WAY!
Meanwhile, Mikey’s mission with dastardly Limey Mason Gilroy finally gets put into play. The plan is to facilitate the landing of a private flight to free a yet-to-be-revealed high-level bad guy being transported to Poland. Explosions may be involved. You know, bridges and cars and whatnot. Also, the episode’s final scene with Michael and Gilroy? Harrrrrrrrrd core. Dude, you don’t even know!
Remember the ending of ‘The Lion King’? Brother, it’s nothing like that.
To recap: this episode rocks old school, and next week’s season finale ain’t gonna be something to sneeze at either. So tune in on Tuesday night for all the action. Even the commercials will be awesome. That’s right: even the commercials! (*)
- (*) Hey, they might be. I’m a company man, remember? Lay off.
AfterBurn:
-- Badass Voiceover Goodness: MICHAEL (V.O.): “Fighting two against one is never ideal, but there are ways to even the odds. Jam your opponents into a corner and they won’t have the room to use both arms. It’s like fighting one person with two angry heads, which makes them easy to engage and easier to disengage.”
-- That Potato/Potahto song is on the radio as I type this. Is it just me, or are the pronunciation examples in the later verses kinda reaching?
-- Oh snap! MICHAEL (to Sam): “Do you think you could get in touch with your contacts at the FBI? You know, the ones you used to INFORM ON ME TO?!”
-- Showcase’s Burn Notice YogurtWatch©: It’s now three episodes in a row without yogurt: this may be a BN record. To get your fix, let me suggest some zero-fat strawberry Greek yogurt. Mmmmmm. I had some last night and santo caquita de la vaquita, you’re gonna wanna go all American Pie on it.