Math plays a big role in this week’s BN episode. In such that heightened abilities in the field of mathematics (recognition of algorithms, numerical patterns and the like) have become a 21st century superpower of sorts; one that overshadows everything from telekinesis to the ability to harmonize to Lou Reed songs. It’s the kind of freak talent you’d regularly see on that show Numb3rs, where the guy who wasn’t Rob Morrow would thwart drug cartels using only a blackboard and an abacus or some shit.
The implication here being that if you’re a left-brained dude who knows his way around Pi, the world will eventually be your oyster. Hey, it worked for former floor mopper (and apple enthusiast) Will Hunting, a young man whose exceptional linear algebra skills nabbed him Minnie Driver and the nickname ‘Good.’
I can relate to this skill in exactly zero ways. From the ages of twelve to sixteen, I failed math on no less than five occasions. During those years, the only July I wasn’t condemned to remedial math summer school was spent mopping floors. Were I not petrified of calling anything ironic (thanks Alanis), I’d call this ironic.
I was, in fact, so bad at math, my school eventually barred me from taking the subject, something quite unprecedented in the hallowed institution’s history. My principal literally wanted me to stop learning – a counterintuitive move for an educator, one might say.
So when you decide to watch – or re-watch – this week’s math-themed BN episode, give some pause to me, the child left behind in our ‘No Child Left Behind’ world. Had I only been afforded a tutor or a more patient teacher, perhaps I too could now possess the mathematical prowess to understand Dungeons & Dragons dice or fill in Sudoku boxes on long bus rides. How different my life could have been.
Season 3, episode 5: ‘Signals and Codes.’ We start with an airport stakeout. Michael and Sam locate a spy plane, nab some info on the front company that owns it and get their pal Barry to do a little recon. Why? Well, Mike feels if he can get a face-to-face with a card-carrying spy, the dude can speak with the CIA’s higher-ups about him getting him his old job back. Hey, it’s a longshot, but not exactly a ‘Let’s bet on the Bills winning the Super Bowl’ kinda longshot. (*)
- (*) Two words: Buffalo 66. Consider the film a cautionary tale.
While waiting on Barry, the guys are approached, nay, blindsided, by a hyperactive, socially awkward young man named Spencer Wachowski. He’s a brilliant mathematician with a history of schizophrenia and paranoia. And since I’m playing psychoanalyst here, let’s throw ‘mid-functioning Asperger’s’ into the mix. I’d compare him to Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory, except I have no idea who Sheldon or The Big Bang Theory are.
Spencer works at Stone Kittredge (as a plant watering guy, but in this economy a job’s a job, hater), a defense firm that developed an encrypted communication technology called Zydeco. Zydeco’s quite the successful bit of software, one that allows embassies to transmit classified data without the threat of leaks. So think of it as the Depends™ of government-based file management systems (ba-ZING!).
A problem, though. Spencer’s convinced that Shannon Park, the firm’s vice president, is using her own duplicate copy of Zydeco to intercept – and subsequently sell – secret government emails. And this has lead to the death of several American spies. Kind of a dick move. What is it with women named Shannon? If they’re not cancelling dinner plans or spamming you with cat photos, they’re murdering covert operatives overseas.
Also, worth mentioning that Michael, Sam and Fiona pieced together the above conspiracy info by removing all of Spencer’s paranoid references to evil space aliens. He’s kwaaaazy, remember?
So Michael, posing as a surly IT supervisor, tries to pull the incriminating code from Shannon’s work computer (it ain’t there). His cover eventually blown, he convinces Shanny he’s actually a higher-up company man who’s come in to clean up her mess: Zydeco’s sprung a leak, spies are dead, and she’s going to be in deep shizz if she doesn’t do exactly what he says. Long story short, she fesses up to keeping a personal copy of Zydeco in a secure off-site facility. Then he locks her in said facility and has Spencer call the authorities. Let this be a lesson to all you Shannons out there.
With Shannypants out of the way, Michael has some other fish to fry. You see, Barry came through with the deets on the spy in charge of the plane he staked out. It’s a guy named Diego Garza, and courtesy of some clever blackmail, Garza becomes Mike’s (reluctant) Miami point of contact. And although he plays his cards close to his chest, He does toss Mr. Westen a bit of promising news: the big bosses at the CIA have pledged to review his file. Hey, it’s something, right? (*)
AfterBurn
-- The name of the actor playing Spencer? Wait for it… Michael Weston. Whaaa? Now that’s some meta casting. Next week I’m expecting an actual axe to play Sam Axe’s brother.
-- Showcase’s Burn Notice YogurtWatch©: Michael ingests one spoonful of unidentified yogurt in a blink-and-you-miss-it moment. He seemed to like it, although maybe I’m projecting my enjoyment of yogurt onto him. I do that sometimes.
-- Badass Voiceover Goodness: MICHAEL (V.O.): “Whether you're infiltrating a cartel or spiking a chemical weapons sale, the most dangerous people in any covert op are the ones on your side. If they crack, you end up in a shallow grave.”
-- Absent from this episode: Michael’s mom Madeline and Detective Michelle Paxson. I miss you so much, my beautiful pin-up fantasy girl (am I referring to Madeline or Michelle? You decide).
-- The episode ends with Mike awesomely laying it on the line with Fiona. MICHAEL: “This job, what we just did, saving American lives, this is the type of work I was made for, Fi. It's what my old job gave me a chance to do every single day. So, no, getting back in isn't just a way to survive, to protect the people I love. It's what I want. And if you truly care about me, you should damn well want for me what I want for myself.”
-- Don’t worry about Spencer. Sam gets our mathlete a job worthy of his uber-nerd abilities. And courtesy of the right medications, ol’ Spency’s a lot less insane in the membrane by episode’s end. This all supports my long-held belief: mathematical proficiency is a form of mental illness.
Burn Notice airs Tuesdays at 10pm ET/PT on Showcase. Catch up on missed episodes in our video centre!