If gore, blood or excessive body hair is your kink, boy, are you living in erotic times. Considering the recent undead renaissance, you must be walking around with a stiffie each and every day. Well, here's some more alone-time fodder for you: the Showcase web series Woke Up Dead, a comedy series starring Napoleon Dynamite's Jon Heder as Drex, a recently zombified young man trying to find his way in the world, is only getting steamier. Last week, the highly telegenic Meital Dohan joined the cast as Aurora, one of Drex's comely, creepy love interests. So in tribute to her hot, cold bod, here's a list of sexy monsters you'd die to get with.
5. Edward and Jacob, Twilight: New Moon
While the unstoppable Twilight triptych has unquestionably done much for the overall rise of undead hotties, we just can't get wet for libido-teasing eternal teenagers who teach girls that sex is scary because he might tear you to shreds. Yes, we know we are in the minority with that opinion. That's OK -- we've always been outcasts.
4. Eric, True Blood
Similarly, what's with lily-livered Bill? He's unworthy of steamy Bon Temps. Spare us the southern gentleman routine and give us a meaningless romp in the hay with Jason Stackhouse or, better, the unrepentant schemer Eric. And throw in a vial of V while you're at it.
3. Michael and David, Lost Boys
Just saw this movie for the 115th time last Hallowe'en and wow. When it comes to teen pin-ups, I'll take Jason Patric over the Jonas Brothers any day. The man has got some heft to him, you know? Whether it was the all-bad Kiefer Sutherland as badass David or blue-eyed Patric as plump-lipped Michael, this classic '80s horror flick was chock full of vampire babes.
2. Megan Fox, Jennifer's Body
That Megan Fox is a hottie is yesterday's news. That airhead men should be disembowelled as punishment for assuming hotties are harmless is eternal.
1. Salma Hayek, From Dusk til Dawn
If you're groaning because this was possibly Tarantino's worst flick, you're missing the point. Without question, Salma Hayek has got one of the best racks in showbiz today. Watching her flaunt it as vampire princess Santanico Pandemonium almost saved this Tarantino flick, although not really.