Oh, good god... in a week where the two biggest theatrical releases feature Dwayne Johnson prancing about in fairy wings and a tutu while Paul Bettany slices off his wings to blast away at still-winged angels with a variety of weaponry I'm tempted to simply slink back home and cower under the covers whilst murmuring to myself that everything will be okay. But that's a lie, really -- a lie exposed by the fact that the only other major release this week is a Harrison Ford / Brendan Fraser drama that is, if anything, even less appealing than the Bettany / Johnson duo.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the worst period of theatrical releasing in the calendar year, that barren wasteland after the big holidays but before the post-Oscar push of 'serious' films looking to cash in on award season acclaim, the season in which the studios dump all the outright shit that they're contractually bound to release sometime but don't want to waste a decent release slot on.
The irony here is, of course, that Bettany actually has TWO films consigned to the late-January scrap heap this week and releasing the two together ain't going to do anything to help the audiences for either.
How so? Simple enough... Legion -- the fallen angel film that looks as though it may actually veer into so-bad-it's-dirtily-entertaining territory -- is every ounce a Red State film. Yes, the villains are also angels but the intent of setting this in the world of literal angels and literal demons, with the two sides blasting the crap out of each other, is clearly to make a big, stupid action film that'll play to the same crowd that made The Passion of the Christ -- and, for that matter, The Book of Eli -- such big box office successes. It's a simple formula that I'm honestly surprised isn't exploited more often: put God or Jesus or and Angel on it and there is a VERY sizable population that will buy it out of a sense of moral duty, regardless of actual quality, because it is The Right Thing To Do. As an example of this, walk in to any Christian bookstore and marvel at all the hideous t-shirts and other assorted junk that has been somehow or other sanctified for sale to the religious masses. Sad thing is it works.
Sad thing for the people trying to sell Legion to the masses is that Bettany's other release this week, albeit in a limited run, is the Charles Darwin bio-pic Creation. Whoopsie. Darwin isn't big in the Red States and while I sincerely doubt Creation will see a single screen there getting it released AT ALL in the US required the producers to change the title away from the original Darwin.
Me? I'm not paying to see any of these. I've got a Ghostbusters Blu-ray that needs opening...