Here's a paradox: ten per cent of the general population clock in as gay, but the public spotlight shines almost entirely on chest-thumping heterosexuals. Curious, isn't it? I guess straight men are just better at being manly and famous, whether in the realm of acting, politics or sports. These five super-hetero movie stars are prime examples of why Hollywood is totally not gay.



5. George Clooney
Some people might find it hypocritical that George Clooney so publicly espouses global human rights for all, then openly treats the women around him as sexual playthings. That such a sophisticated, worldly man would rather roll around with 20-somethings than find an adult woman to treat as an equal has led to rumours that he's hiding something. What an outrageous claim. Obviously George is just childish a child at heart.



4. Keanu Reeves
Raven eyes, jet black hair and killer multiculti cheekbones have led to years of gossip about pretty Keanu, especially since he rarely plays at PDAs for the paparazzi. He's also been vague on the topic of his sexuality in interviews with big publications like USA Today and Vanity Fair. It's cool when male heartthrobs are secure enough not to stoke homophobia. Maybe a high-profile boy-on-boy romance would stoke his flagging career.

3. Will Smith
This photo absolutely convinces me that these people enjoy having sex with each other.



2. Matthew Broderick
Starring in musicals isn't gay, and neither is having "mostly gay friends." What's especially not gay is looking incredibly happy every time you're photographed with your loving wife. Isn't this guy supposed to be an actor?




1. Tom Cruise
That was a rilly strange coinkeedink thing that Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman could never have biological children, huh?  Since splitting they have both become amazingly, genuinely fertile, and in case you didn't notice, Tom knocked up a hot young chick. This interview with Risky Business co-star Bronson Pinchot might be razor-sharp and hilarious, but just because Tom constantly slags queers (and repeatedly sues people for suggesting he's gay) doesn't mean he's protesting too much. It's also not homophobic. He's just a man who believes in truth... and riding motorcycles with other men while wearing leather, namely Scientology leader David Miscavige.