A grown man humping a pillow emblazoned with the cartoon image of a coquettish teenage girl.
There, I said it. That's what everyone's been picturing ever since Lisa Katayama's New York Times piece "Love in 2-D" came out last week. In case you've somehow missed this meme, the story is about grown Japanese men (and the occasional woman) who belong to a branch of mega-fans from the rabid otaku subculture. Not content to merely collect and play with anime dolls, they've openly declared their romantic and physical affection for inanimateobjects fashioned with the likenesses of various characters. The Japanese word for such a person is moe, and the moe behave as though their imaginary companions were flesh-and-blood human beings—the main subject of "Love in 2-D" orders meals for his pillow girlfriend in restaurants, and keeps a spare with her image at work, in case he's there late. It's not platonic: Katayama's subjects confirm that they have sex with their dolls (one of them sleeps with three pillows at once, the cad).
The Japanese aren't the only ones having inanimate romances. San Francisco native Erika La Tour Eiffel is an old-fashioned kind of lady, so she took her husband's name after marriage. Yes, the former U.S. Army soldier is in love with the architectural icon of Paris; another beau is a bow, Lance, and she credits their closeness with helping her win an archery world championship. La Tour Eiffel is one of the subjects in Strangelove: Married to the Eiffel Tower, which also introduces us to Amy Wolf, who is enamoured of a carnival ride and a few banisters. Again, it's definitely _that_ kind of love. Both women refer to their lovers as "him." Wolf tells the ride "I want your fluids," while La Tour Eiffel says she and the tower have foreplay, orgasms and afterplay: "The sex is really great for me. The world should have more of that."
La Tour Eiffel is also articulate, and rather likeable—you can see her in the trailer here. Unashamed of her leanings, she's a member of Objectum Sexuality Internationale, a site by and for those with a sexual orientation towards objects. About half of the group's members have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (a strain of autism), and many have histories of childhood abuse. When it comes to the Japanese moe, there are theories that the nation's infamous austerity and lack of casual interaction between the sexes (according to the story, a full 25 per cent of Japanese adults between ages 30 and 34 are virgins) is partially what has led some men to prefer dolls to women. Complex, strange and sad for sure, but perhaps not as sad as the couple I saw in Chicago on the weekend: a woman was physically preventing her man from getting into his wheelchair, showering him with epithets as he limped along, his foot in a cast. Maybe your lover is made of iron and steel, or maybe she's just a cold-hearted snake.