Ever since my recent announcement that free music is crap, I’ve faced a deluge of hate mail espousing the virtues of free art. In light of this deluge, I’ve spent the past fortnight scouring the internet for free music that doesn’t suck balls, that provides the quality to not only dignify the state of liberated song, but possibly even prove it to be superior to the art that’s been caged by the capitalist whore-lords of our digital music age. Did I find what I was looking for? Was there a dearth or a deluge or worthwhile material? Is de luge de most boring Olympic sport? So many questions. Read on to find out.
Free Sample #1
As if ruining E.T. was not enough (see above), video games are back to drag another beloved bit of pop-culture into their disgusting dungeons of geekery. This time they’ve focused on a mélange of Weezer’s most classic songs, running them through the musical equivalent of a garburator: the game console sound chip. The resulting abhorrence falls under the genre of ‘chip-tunes,’ and led to my penning this little joke:
Q: Did you hear about the guy who lost his virginity while listening to chiptunes?
A: That scenario could never play out within our current dimension.
Free download: Here.
Verdict: Fuck off.
Free Sample #2
Well looky looky here. Just when it appeared all was lost in the fight for freeness along comes this little gem for the low low price of $FREE.99. Esau Mwamwaya is a Malawian singer, while Radioclit is a British production duo with the most irritating name imaginable. While their proper debut Warm Heart of Africa comes out in the fall, The Very Best mixtape was one of my favourite records in recent memory. The album is full of highlights, but the remix of MJ’s "Will You Be There" that closes The Very Best is mind-boggling. An amped up African choir, reworked hook and Michael’s strained wails of “I’m only human” make for a touching tribute, even if it was released before he died.
Free download: Here (Scroll down the page)
Verdict: Perhaps I don’t hate freedom as much as I thought. Perhaps.
Free Sample #3
One of the lamest music memes on the web is the acoustic version of songs that were never meant to be acoustic. Ben Folds spearheaded the genre with his terrible (and arguably racist) cover of Dre’s "Bitches Ain’t Shit", and now the floodgates are open for Tori Amos to cover Britney and The Fray to cover Kanye West. These experiments almost never work due to the artist's smug self-satisfaction and the distinct whiff of condescension in the air. Australian emo-dance mega-stud Muscles has bypassed this issue by dropping an acoustic version of his own song, resulting in something totally heartfelt and creative. Nirvana would be proud.
Free download: Here.
Verdict: Ben Folds is an idiot.
Happy Friday!
Reg