So this couple gets together and never bothers to talk about monogamy. It’s the only way to do things, after all. And then... surprise! Someone gets a mysterious STD and things fall apart. Maybe kids or property is involved, or maybe just broken hearts. Drama ensues, and all the friends and family are shocked and appalled even though humans have been stepping out on each other since always.

Cheating is tacky. Now, I'm not putting all the blame on straight guys. Sure, maybe historically guys were wired to spread their seed and women were wired to assure men that the kids were his so he'd bring the bacon home. Men could cheat because women had no power to stop them, and women couldn't, at the risk of poverty and destitution. But evolution is still happening, and there's lots of evidence to suggest that as women become more financially independent, they're less likely to put up with cheating, and more likely to sleep around themselves. So I'm not into some Mars/Venus shit here—gender aside, it bugs me when people assume that monogamy is the only acceptable model for a romantic sexual relationship and it’s so obvious that there’s no need to discuss it.

If you mention polyamory in mixed company, people giggle or get weirded out. They say that polygamy is sexist, ignoring the thoughts of those that disagree, or the non-Mormon examples of group love, like Kurt and Goldie or Vicky Cristina Barcelona. They suggest that shtupping more than one person at a time is gross (before turning around and cheating). I think multiple partners sounds exhausting, but I have complete admiration for people with the guts to be honest.

First of all, if you want to try monogamy, say so out loud and then really try (like, refrain from performing excessive personal toiletries in front of your SO -- for life). Secondly, if you think someone else is cute, it doesn't have to be the end of it all. Maybe you tell your #1 and he thinks it's hot and you have a little role play and get over it. Or maybe you tell him and his feelings are hurt and you have to have difficult conversations. Maybe after the difficult conversations, your love is deeper than ever—imagine that, adulthood (and then you do the role play thing). Maybe you have to look at your deep dark secrets: lots of people preempt a fear of being cheated on by doing it first. And plenty of others are arrogant enough to believe they deserve both a steady and someone on the side—not if you haven’t cleared it with them both first, Mr. Sanford.

It’s icky stuff and talking about it doesn’t guarantee anything. Pretending that monogamy is a hassle-free biological given doesn’t make things easier, and lying and sneaking around makes you a jerk. Be a grownup and open your mouth before your legs.