One of the best things about working on the Showcase blog is getting to shoot the breeze with the Sideshow Dwellers who write for it. It so happens that Reggie the Vampire sits right next to us here at Showcase HQ, so we thought it fitting to have a little MSN chat with him about the upcoming encore presentation of The Departed on Showcase, airing on Thursday, July 16th at 12am ET/PT. If you weren't aware, Reggie has a profound obsession with one of that film's esteemed leads, so we were excited to hear what he had to say.

Gary and Dennis: Hey Reg.
Reggie The Vampire: Good day, gentlemen.
How's it going?
Great, thank you kindly. Excited for the broadcast of a certain film airing this Thursday night starring a certain film star who is a certain kind of awesome.
I'm glad to hear it. We were wondering if you might like to take a little trip to Beantown...
It would be an honour.
We're talking about Fever Pitch, right?
I was hoping you'd say Celtic Pride.
Damon Wayans had a good line in that. He had to go to the bathroom, and he asked Daniel Stern (his kidnapper) if he wanted to join him in there. "You can help me uncoil it," he says. Pretty good.
[silence]
But seriously, we're talking about The Departed. Good flick. I haven't seen it since theatres.
I haven't seen it since three weeks ago. So you've only seen it once?
Just the once.
That's sad really. Like the second marketing run of Jurassic Park proclaimed: If you've only see it once, you haven't seen it all.
Longtime readers of the blog will be familiar with your love for Leonardo Dicaprio. Is that how you spell it? Big 'C'? Space between the 'Di' and the 'Caprio'? I can't remember.
DiCaprio. Leonardo DiCaprio.
"Hey Scott! I heard Manute Bol is banging your mom!"
 - Daniel Stern, Celtic Pride
Did you know that Judd Apatow and Colin Quinn co-wrote Celtic Pride?
Judd Apatow has really had a lot of trips to the plate. His imdb profile is littered with crap. Heavy Weights anybody?
Are you seeing the man cleaning our window outside right now, by the way?
It's one-way glass. They can't see you. Flash your wiener.
I just photographed him.
So, Leo. Why do you like him so much? There are so many good actors working right now. So many studs. Why this one man?
There are many studs. That is a very astute observation. Why this specific stud?
Yes.
It's really long-standing. Goes back to Growing Pains. He's just always been so talented and charismatic, and he's transitioned from child actor to leading man like probably nobody else ever has. In fact... I'll say it… He's transitioned from boy to man like nobody in the history of cinema. And I'm serious.
Ron Howard notwithstanding?
I think you mean, Ron Howard: Not Oustanding. That guy sucks. What has he done for me lately? He makes snob comedies and pretentious Oscar fodder. Pffft. That's the sound of me farting on Ron Howard's career.
So let's talk about The Departed. One of Leo's finest?
Leo's body of work breaks into two groups, pre- and post-Titanic. It's hard to compare the two bodies of work, as his strengths as an actor have changed considerably and the roles he's taking are so different. Neither period was better or worse. Just different. So from his PT period, I would put The Departed tied for second with Catch Me If You Can and ahead of The Beach. And behind Revolutionary Road.
That is very high praise.
It could have been #1 if not for some strange issues.
I beg your pardon?
There were three things that really hurt the movie, from a critical perspective.  #1. Jack Nicholson embarrassed himself. Just so far over the top. #2. Marty Scorsese. Ironic that he finally won his Oscar for this film when the subject matter would have been in much better hands with someone younger, with a better sense of pacing. Not that it was directed poorly. But it just felt like a charity award for a guy who should have won one thirty years ago for Raging Bull. Or for Taxi Driver. Or GoodFellas. Or Casino. The list goes on...
Certainly. That proves the futility of the award system. But what's #3, Reg?
#3 has to do with our golden boy himself. He did an amazing job in The Departed. Like amazing. Don't get me wrong. And he was the best looking dude in the movie by a stretch. But he was acting like he was from Boston.
And he's Hollywood through and through, right?
Right. And he was cast alongside two fantastic actors in Marky Mark and Matt Damon who are both from Boston. So he just never really stood a chance. Brad Pitt keeps pulling the same move by taking roles alongside George Clooney who he could never hope to keep up with.
Are you saying that Matthew Paige Damon outshone Leonardo DiCaprio in The Departed?
Remember when Michael Jordan played baseball for a summer with the ChiSox minor league team?
I had the commemorative trading card, yes.
Well he struck out a lot. And so there were probably some pitchers out there that had the opportunity to strike out MJ who are feeling pretty good about themselves. And in reality, those dudes are probably better baseball players than MJ. Just as Matt Damon is the perfect hard-ass Boston thug.
So it's not that Leo was out of his league, so much as he was just playing the wrong "sport". Is that what you're saying?
Exactly. And realistically, MJ was playing baseball at a really high level. In context he was shockingly good. Just like Leo was. And MJ remains arguably the greatest athlete of all time. While Leo is clearly the greatest actor of his generation.
But MJ is supposed to be a bit of a jerk. What of Leo?
The only consistent knock that people have on Leo is that he only dates mega-models. Which is absurd. It's based on the assumption that models aren't as intelligent as, say, Jennifer Aniston. And I think that's totally unfair.
I'm willing to bet that Gisele could beat Jennifer Aniston in a game of Trivial Pursuit. Brazilian edition.
No doubt! He's just an extremely private dude, so people want to assume he's a jerk. And hey, speaking of Gisele, nobody criticized Tom Brady when he MARRIED Leo's sloppy seconds. YEAH I SAID IT!
Was that before or after he majestically blew the Super Bowl?
After, I believe. Dude's had a weird 18 months.
He probably stares at himself in the mirror a lot.
A lot more than Leo. All jokes aside… One time I was doing the "What Celeb Do I Look Like" game with some friends. And this girl that was there who barely knew me said I look like... Can you guess?
Daniel Stern?
I wish. It was actually Matt Damon. Which I was deeply confused by. Confused/aroused I should say. As for The Departed’s highlights, there are many. #1. Leo DiCap's in it. #2. It's set in Boston, always a good time (see Celtic Pride) #3. The writing is really really really really good. And for all my complaining about Scorsese, he has all these bad ass dudes carrying themselves with enough swagger to really nail the tone of the thing. #4. A Leo sex scene.
So you'll be watching on Thursday?
I will indeed. I have the DVD, but it's always nice to watch it when you know scores of others are watching it at the same time. Paying homage. It's like church.
Like hearing a song you love on the radio. It just sounds better.
Exactly.
Thanks for your time, Reggie. I'll be seeing you on Thursday night.
I'll be there with you in spirit. And in body. I'm coming to your house.
As a bat? I'll have the missus put out a bowl of insects.
No, as an upstanding, Leo loving, bi-inquisitive vampire. Shout out to Daniel Stern!