Written by: Elizabeth Ziff
Directed by: John Stockwell

I'm being bored to death by Bette and Tina... LOL.

It's the 16-minute baby shower from hell with a Willie Wonka theme! Jenny's giving orders and licking a giant lollipop.

The happy couple--Helena and Dylan--arrive, but they're not staying long. They would rather be in bed together, and maybe we'd rather see that anyway. Jenny greets them, and promptly congratulates Dylan on passing the test. She insists that the slate must be clean, and honesty must be upheld when beginning a relationship. When Dylan finds that everyone had been watching her rebuff Niki, she leaves. Helena goes after her and as Max arrives for his shower, Helena declares that she's going to kill Jenny. Dylan's gone.

Tina knows her stuff when it comes to playing the chocolate in a diaper game. (I know mine too, and this would be it for sure.)

While everyone is talking babies and drinking beer (with the exception of Max who was offered milk and cookies), Shane and Jamie are in the kitchen, flirting and sharing a joint.  Jenny interrupts and Jamie joins the others to play games. Jenny tells Shane that she got her a present, and that she loves her. It's cake and present time, the cake is huge and I was hoping Papi or Dana would jump out of it.

Bette and Tina do a placement ad for a baby stroller that does your taxes, but not your dishes. Alice gives a speech which ends up being all about her feelings for Jenny, rather than about Max. While she's going on and on, Max starts hyperventilating, and in the midst of his panic attack he begs Bette and Tina to adopt his baby. They refuse, Tina suggests he take some Xanax and Alice recommends Lexapro.

There are some complications with Bette and Tina's adoption, as Joyce points out that Nevada law doesn't allow gay couples to adopt. The only solution which they agree on is to have Marci come and live with them and have the baby in California.

Alice, Tasha and Jamie had a good workout. When Jamie says she'll go home for a shower and clean clothes, Alice suggests she just shower at their place, and she can wear some of Tasha's clothes.  Jamie agrees and when Tasha brings clothes to the bathroom, she sees naked Jamie. Alice gets another workout, on the couch with Tasha, while Jamie showers.

Marci agrees to stay with Bette and Tina, and Bette wants to make sure the renovations on her house will be finished in time. We meet Weezie, the contractor. She's a dyke right? No, she's a yikes! I'm confused too. Somehow it's Weezie's job to let us know why Tina's going to New York. But I thought Tina lost her job with the studio last week.  Um... okay.

We find that Jenny's 'surprise' for Shane is a photography studio. The space looks exactly like the hair salon Cheri Jaffe gave Shane ages ago, but it's complete with lighting, tripods, strobes, dark room, everything. Shane says she doesn't deserve this but Jenny wants her to have her own space to work.

Helena's drinking way too much. She argues with Kit and then picks a fight at Hit with some girl.  Things are a mess with Dylan. Sunset Boulevard has mistaken Kit and Helena's relationship. Kit straightens him out saying that her body doesn't respond to it's own kind.

Kelly and Bette are readying the studio for an opening, everyone who's anyone will be there including Niki Stevens. Kelly interrupts a call for Bette from Tina and calls Tina's support for Bette into question. When Niki shows up, she and Shane decide to blow out of there and end up in the darkroom at Shane's studio. In the meantime Tasha and Jamie prove that they have much more in common that Tasha and Alice, as they discuss their upbringing.

Shane develops a picture she had taken of Molly, and she and Niki kiss. Just then, Shane gets sick and Niki leaves her in case she's contagious. A drunk Kelly shows up at Bette's doorstep just as Jenny brings Shane home as well. She tucks a sick Shane into bed. Kelly wants to cash in on the raincheck from fifteen years ago. Bette tells her the coupon expired and that she loves Tina. When Kelly goes in to kiss Bette, Bette pushes her and her champagne flute crashes to the floor. Bette cleans up the mess while Jenny watches from her window. It appears that Bette is going down on Kelly and Jenny takes a picture with her iPhone.

It looks like a giant cat threw up, huh?

Xena's Ghost