What to do when the week's new releases suck and the first sign of relief - that'd be upcoming superhero opus Watchmen - is still two weeks away? Two things. First, gloat. Last week I wrote about how the film studios were essentially soiling their underthings and running screaming in abject terror to escape the hulking Jason Voorhees and his re-launched Friday The 13th. Release slates were cleared of anything anywhere close to the Friday demographic to deny Voorhees the fodder for a box office slaughter to match the on screen one. And, as a result, I went out on an admittedly fairly stable limb and predicted that this would be the biggest Friday film yet, one that would likely end up cracking the one hundred million mark at the box office before it's run was done.

And?A forty two million dollar opening weekend that stands as the top horror opening of all time, an opening so strong that the entire nineteen million dollar production budget was earned back at the box office on the first day alone. With this week and next being incredibly weak for new releases, Voorhees is going to keep on raking it in, too. Second? If Hollywood abandons you then return the favor by abandoning Hollywood. And because I am a crass and vulgar man at heart I recommend heading to jolly old Britain for the aptly titled Lesbian Vampire Killers. And because people always ask I will point out at this juncture that it is the vampires who are the lesbians, not the killers. With a couple of popular TV comedians in the leads - it's the guys from Gavin And Stacey - it's pretty clear that this thing is hoping to mimic the success of Shaun of the Dead and, happily, the just-released trailer promises enough vampy lesbian goodness that it might even be able to deliver on that promise.

My favorite part? Actual, non-vamp lesbians have been trying to protest the film but have inadvertently been supplying textbook perfect promo copy for it. Here's what they say:

"They [the lesbian vampires] are answering to a stereotypical male fantasy. They are shown as scantily clad lust objects that feast on the blood, lapping it up and smearing it around.They're porn stars, not persons."

Thanks for pointing that out, protest-lady! You may consider my ticket sold!

Tickets? Yeah, hopefully. The movie's done and will be in UK theaters in March. And considering that one of the companies that funded it is the UK arm of Canada's very own Alliance, chances are quite good that it'll be here soon, too. My blood is ready for smearing, come on over!