Life is a butt-meringue pie and we dance the dance of shit in an' around it. Yep we are all shit rats scurrying around looking for the cheese and we’ll do just about anything to get it. Things have been totally fucked up here in Sunnyvale since Rick the Dick graduated cumma sum stupid from Uncle Sam’s Con College last month.  A shit mist hangs over the park. The charm is gone and it’s all because of the devil’s finest work – MONEY. Randy and I have been watching 24/7 for months… waiting.  How much is there?  Where’s it hidden?  When are they gonna divide it up?  It’s driving me to drink.  As soon as we find out where it is, I’m gonna unleash a shit attack in the Neanderthal form of Sam Losco.  Julian’s got a 9mm in his pants, so if there’s heat, the cave man will get it.  I hate consorting with criminals like Losco, but the end justifies the means; not to mention that he’s banging Barb.  She’s even starting to smell like him.

That’s the real problem around here.  It’s hot and stultifying.  Everything stinks; Phil and the Dirty Burger; the putrid breeze from the dump; Bubble’s cat shed; baby Randy; everything. I know I’m going through a liquor let down.  I’m riding a fucky-the-drunk- clown merry-go-shit-round and I can’t get off. I need better alcohol. I’m tempted to try some of Ray’s 100 proof liquor sauce but I think it’s probably pretty addictive so I’ll stick to the stuff I can handle for now.

I am unshakable in my belief that good will prevail, and it doesn’t matter where you are as you can screw your courage to the sticking post and make the best of it, like Ray who lives in the dump and lives high on the old shit-hog.  Ricky, on the other hand, can’t even line up two ducks for fuck sakes.  He rattles around Sunnyvale making life difficult for everyone.  I think he’s suffering from a fecal alcohol syndrome. I am very concerned that when Julian gives him his share of the Swazee Express money, all hell’s gonna break loose around here. Ricky’s dumb as fuck but he’s a pressure cooker waiting to blow.

It would be a public service for me to confiscate the avails of crime and keep it out of the hands of criminals. That’s what I’m good at:  Being a good cop so I can serve the people.



-Jim Lahey, Park Supervisor.

Watch Trailer Park Boys: Say Good Night To The Bad Guys, at 10 PM et/pt on December 7th, exclusively on Showcase.