So, last week, mightily discouraged by the box office dominance of a wee yappy dog, I exhorted you all to give up on cinema and read a book instead.  And I took my own advice, too.  The new Neil Gaiman novel is aces.  So's the latest Haruki Murakami.  The problem is, though, that I'm running out of books.  All that's left is the latest Neal Stephenson, which is typically brilliant but burning through brain cells at a ferocious rate.  Which means, of course, that I am now thrust back upon the mercy of the cinema for my escapist pleasures.

And while the wee dog no longer tops the box office things till aint pretty folks, not by a long shot.  I'm a wee bit outside High School Musical's target audience, Madonna must be banking on her current tour to draw fans out to witness her directorial debacle - and, good god, this looks HORRIBLE, I can't believe someone's actually releasing it - which leaves only the latest Saw sequel and a cop thriller that's been sitting on a studio shelf for two years now as the main draws at the multiplex.  No thanks.

Note to Hollywood: piracy is not the main culprit when it comes to falling revenues. Stop making so many shitty movies.

But, thank god, there is something worthwhile coming to the big screen - at least it's going to be on the big screen tonight, here in Toronto, so catch it while you can. And that is the very aptly titled Tokyo Gore Police, screening as part of the Toronto After Dark festival. Need some convincing on this one? Well, as you can clearly tell from the poster it has Audition's Eihi Shiina in tall boots, a short skirt, and gartered stockings wielding a samurai sword. This immediately makes it better than all of the mainstream Hollywood releases combined.

Need more convincing? This is the most outrageously bloody film I think I have ever seen, moreso than even Sam Raimi's Evil Dead flicks.  Shiina plays a cop in a future Tokyo which is over run by bizarre mutants who sprout weapons from their wounds and can only be killed by cutting a key shaped tumor out of their bodies.  Hence the sword.  And it's got to say something when I can freely tell you that this film includes both a man with a penis-cannon and a woman with a crocodile vagina without any risk of spoiling the picture.  The creatures are bizarre and plentiful, the blood is layed on by the gallon, and the whole thing is shot through with a sort of Robocop sense of satire that elevates it to being at least a little bit more than just a straight splatter flick. Need more convincing?  Check a slew of trailers and clips here. Yeah, it'll be on DVD soon enough but catch it on the big screen while you've got the chance.