Here’s an unsexy word: phthalates. They’re ugly little things, and not just because of that unpronounceable quadruple consonant cluster. Added to plastics to aid flexibility, the chemicals known as phthalates have been shown to upset human endocrine systems. Which, if you didn’t know, regulate our hormones. Which, if you didn’t know, make us horny. And so, in short, phthalates ruin sex lives.

Even if you’re not humping your PVC shower curtain or fishing lures (and I’m not judging you if you are), there’s still cause for concern. If your favourite sex toy is made out of soft, jellylike rubber, chances are it was constructed using phthalates.  Time to get Googling and, if that’s the case, the time has come to toss ‘em out. It might be sad to say goodbye to the memories, but if you keep sticking that thing up your bum, it could lower your sperm count. Hey man, I’m just saying.

Luckily, you can buy a new, non-toxic version of your favourite toy fairly easily, since enviro-chic has made it to the aisles of most progressive sex stores. “Long has the sex industry gotten away with making substandard toys,” says Sarah Forbes-Roberts, co-owner of Toronto’s Come As You Are. “People were too uncomfortable to ask questions. These days, people come in having done a lot of research on the internet, and the safety of their toys is a big concern.”

Soft, non-porous silicone is usually the material of choice, especially for people with latex or plastic allergies. Rechargeables are hot, too: a big seller is the sleek, waterproof Lelo line of vibrators. “The materials in most sex toys are not tested for safety, ever,” says Forbes-Roberts. “You don’t want to think about that when you’re having sex. You want to be having fun.” That’s why she recommends silicone vibrators and dildos made of natural materials like wood, glass or stainless steel. Worried that it won't slip in as easily? Get some organic, natural lubes—like Hathor’s Aphrodisia or Good Clean Love (both of which are free of carcinogenic, estrogen-disrupting parabens). Now quit it with the envirotalk, hippie—it's time to get out there and make love, not war.