Everyone’s life has its Seinfeld moments and lately, I find myself identifying with Elaine Benes. Because, tragedy of tragedies, it seems that the Today contraceptive sponge is once again off the market. I’m not sure why—all I know is that I used to be able to pay the insane price of $16 for three sweet condomless rides.

And now, the box is off the shelf, and the media department at Shoppers Drug Mart can't give me a reason. It must be a Canada-wide thing, because I can’t even find it online. It’s a sad day, I’m telling you, because I’m feeling frisky and my man is surely spongeworthy. Let us mourn by watching the clip.

I don’t do the pill, ’cause it makes me a spazz and besides, why isn’t there a pill for guys again? And condoms aren’t a total buzzkill or anything—they’re only a hassle if you’re naked with someone who doesn’t deserve it (so many clichés turn out to be true). But you know, it is nice, once you’ve got all the trust and smooshy feelings going on, to hit it bareback with the one you love.

It seems I’m not the only one that thinks so—according to National Public Radio’s Pendarvis Harshaw, condomless sex is the new engagement ring. I’m serious, that’s what he says in this three minute Youth Radio show. The 19-year-old also says “It’s an engagement more practical than spending money on a piece of jewellery on a marriage that might not last the test of time.” You know, cause pawning an engagement ring sucks way more than dealing with syphilis.

This piece is actually pretty terrifying, when you think about the serious cuts in sex education that are happening below the 49th parallel. Not to mention that Harshaw says that the couple can replace the Trojans with “pills, patches or shots”—once again putting all of the responsibility and health implications of hormonal contraception on the female half of a breeder couple. There’s a soundbite from a young man who adds the pithy insight that skipping the condom process means “it’s safe to say I love you, without me actually saying that.” It’s safe for me to say that such a dude is completely unspongeworthy.

So, rubbers it is, I guess. Do me a favour, readers—if you find a case of Today sponges in a dusty old pharmacy, please be sure to tell me first.