Happy Blogling, Fridays!

A bit of history, for you nerd-types:  In March 2007, I wrote a post called Links to What Stinks!  In it I revelled in my own sense of irony, explaining how “stinks” meant “awesome” for the purpose of the post.  Well those days are behind me.  I’m a straight shooter now, and I say what I mean.  So when a post is titled Links to What Stinks II!, you can be sure that: a) It’s a sequel to another post, most likely titled Links to What Stinks!, or possibly Links to What Stinks 1!, and b) That the links contained herein stink.  And not in an ironic way.  They actually suck.  Read on:

Pickle Surprise:  When I was ten I watched a documentary on The Mamas & The Papas while violently sick with a stomach flu.  To this day I can’t hear California Dreamin without feeling like I’m going to throw up.  Pickle Surprise tends to have that same nauseating effect on people, without all the complications of deep-rooted negative childhood associations.

Girl Sharts at Youth Group:  While the clip itself is a mild disappointment, has there ever been a worse title for a video than “girl sharts at youth group”?  It’s like poetry of uncomfortableness.  And I won’t be discussing how I came upon this clip, so don’t bother asking.  Just be irritated that I did, and frustrated that I’m sharing it with the world.

Speak the Hungarian Rapper:  This dude probably grabs the crown as “shittiest rapper possible” with the first verse of this track, which he spends sitting on a Porsche and walking through a graveyard while pleading for peace and giving shout outs to Snoop.  Things really hit the next level on the hook, though, when his crew of dudes-you-would-pick-last-in-a-game-of-pickup-basketball drop the chorus on you:

Sometimes people make a war/
Don’t know what it’s for (business)/
(unintelligible) the war (yeah, c’mon, once again)

Mannequins and Fireworks:  This clip proves two things: 1. Fireworks during the day look about as boring as you would imagine.  2. Seeing mannequins get their heads blown off by fireworks is far more boring than you would imagine. 

Be a Safe Rider:  Kids are most impressionable when you scare the merciless shit out of them.  This is the theory behind Be a Safe Rider, an instructional video in which Safe-T Rider crawls out of your most vulgar nightmares to teach today’s kids about escalator safety.  The video features a classic windbag mall cop, a surprisingly cohesive rap about escalators by a sickening cat man, and some of the most horrendous child dancing on record.  The less revolting cartoon version can be found here.

Now, can you imagine Speak and Safe-T in a battle?  I don’t want to either, but I can.
Reggie.