It’s Indiana Jones week and I’m here writing about a new Uwe Boll film? How can this be? Well, I’ve got a few reasons; you may not like them but here they are:

First, though the good doctor (Jones, not Boll) did make an appearance while I was at the Cannes Festival this week I was under threat of extreme violence if I were to see it there rather than waiting to see it on my return home. So I haven’t actually seen it yet.

Second, I blame Harrison Ford and the mad mob of people who swarmed the Croisette in hopes of seeing him for making me miss the Michel Gondry / Bong Joon Ho / Leos Carax three part anthology film Tokyo while in Cannes as the films played on the same day and I simply couldn’t get through the mob on time to catch Tokyo, which I REALLY wanted to see.I’m still a bit pissed about that.

Third, everybody I know who did see the Jones – and there were a bunch of them – came out of it saying that it was pretty crappy. And these are all people who really, really wanted to like it.This, Mr Spielberg, is why you should never ever ever ever ever allow George Lucas anywhere the hell near a script ever again. Did you not see Phantom Menace? It’s not like George Lucas = Bad Script should have been an entirely unfamiliar equation for you.

And, finally, love the guy or hate the guy you’ve got to admire the sheer force of ego that would inspire the mad (as in crazy) Dr. Boll to intentionally line up his new comedy against the biggest event film of the year.

Oh … and also there’s the fact that I actually really like Postal. Yes, the comedy’s inconsistent and it sags a bit in the second act while trying to make the transition from being a gag a minute flick to actually having a plot but Postal has at least three things that no Spielberg film will ever have: 9/11 hijackers arguing over how many virgins will be awaiting them in the afterlife, a full on shoot-out in a welfare office, and Dave Foley’s penis. Yes, the kid in the hall gets naked and frontally so. The opening scene in this one is pretty much worth the cost of admission all on its own but there are a good number of other high points of the sort of crass social satire variety that has kept South Park on the air so long.Yep, believe it or not Postal’s actually a good amount of fun.

As a little side note here, of the films I actually did see in Cannes– as opposed to just writing about the ones I didn’t – the best by a long shot was, bizarrely, JCVD.A Jean Claude Van Damme starring meta-film that features the Belgian star playing himself – with several unsavory plot points lifted from his real life – caught in a bank hold up this one is beyond solid on every level. Well shot, very cleverly written and featuring a shockingly good dramatic performance from Van Damme – who should have started acting in French years ago – this one was the big winner of the year for me.Hopefully it’ll arrive on these shores soon.

In another side note, the lineup for the World Wide Short Film Festival has been announced. I programmed the midnight horror programs and had a hand in the Thai spotlight and the Japanese anime program and if nobody comes to see them I’m going to cry. I’m just sayin'. And now I shut up.