When the ol’ Tattooed Man looked over his schedule for this week the plan was to hopefully write something about the Canadian film screening in Cannes this year, most notably the new Egoyan picture and Blindness, the Canadian co-production that kicks off the festival.  There were, however, two problems with this plan.

First, Blindness is screening, oh, right about now (well, as I type this, anyway, as opposed to when you may or may not be reading it) whereas I am squeezed into the middle seat of the absolute last row of a plane on my way to Cannes, right in front of the shitters. Putting someone my height in the middle seat of anything is less than ideal, putting me in front of the shitters is just rubbing salt in the wound, though it does provide the opportunity to giggle as my fellow travelers rush to use the facilities only to panic when they encounter the never ending line that simply refuses to go away.

Second, and most importantly, I realized while packing my bag earlier today that I own no evening wear.  This shouldn’t be a surprise, really, my normal uniform consisting of a black t-shirt and a pair of jeans, but it still comes as a surprise from time to time and is most certainly an issue in this case.  Why?  Because Cannes Premieres have the distinction of being both strictly invitation only – I don’t have one of those, either – and strictly black tie.

This last bit leads to a strange Cannes phenomenon. Only in Cannes can you see couples in tuxedos and evening gowns panhandling on the streets.  Yes, every night throughout the festival hopeful optimists who think far more kindly of their human brethren than do I don their fancy duds and head down to the theater with hand written cardboard signs begging the more fortunate to hand their unwanted film invitations over to their poor, unfortunate selves and just go out drinking instead.  It’s both weird and funny and I would laugh at them in person but for the fact that while they have no invitations they do have fancy clothes, which is one more thing than I have which makes me the lowest rung on the ladder. Sigh.

Anyway … it’ll be second screenings and hour after dizzying hour in the market – the industry sales side of the Festival which is where all the real action is, never mind the glitz of the ‘official’ stuff – and with any luck I’ll survive to tell a story or two about it next week.