If you haven’t been forwarded the link to the Stuff White People Like blog about 70 times, there’s a good chance your internet’s down.  Or that the thing you refer to as ‘the internet’ is actually ‘your television.’  Either way, you’re out of the loop.

The brainchild of Canadian Christian Lander, SWPL is the first bona fide internet sensation of 2008, having logged over 25 million hits since its January launch.  In three short months, it’s spawned a book deal and caused its share of controversy over its open racial musings.

Christian sat down for lunch with me to discuss the blog, the future, the haters, and Bill Clinton’s ethnicity.  Here’s what transpired:

What’s happened since you started SWPL?

The short answer is that all my dreams have come true, in 90 days, totally unexpectedly.  I signed with an agent.  I got a book deal.  I quit my nine to five job.  And I do interviews like this all the time.  That’s the short answer: It’s been the most ridiculous, unbelievable time in my life.

At what point did you start to get the sense that SWPL would be larger than a blog?

It’s tough to say, because when it started getting big, I felt like it was going to be bigger than just a flash in the pan.  It was on the Comedy Central blog, the first blog to pick it up, and then Good Magazine.  And then it was in New York Magazine, and I sort of thought, “Oh my God, I made a small internet sensation amongst people like us - people who work in the media and are totally immersed in the media.”  I figured it would be big amongst that group, but it didn’t feel like it was going to be much more.  

Was there a tipping point, when you realized that it was going to turn into what it has?

I think when I did the NPR interview.  Because we had done a post about public radio, and then we were on public radio.  After that I felt like it was big.  Because it was national.  But I still thought it would end there.  Over and over again I kept saying, “This is the craziest it could possibly get.  It can’t get any bigger”  And then it was on NPR, then the L.A. Times, and then I was getting an agent.  It just got nuts.

The Random House site says the SWPL book will be released July 1st, and two thirds of it will be new content.  You are a busy man.

Done.  

Done?

Done!  There’s going to be a lot of new graphics in there, a ton of new posts.  Editing of the old posts.  But yeah, it’s pretty much done.  Not going to be a problem.

When did you start on the book?

Right after my last day on the job, March 28th.  It’s been tough, I’m not going to lie.  My X-box has been broken the whole time, so I haven’t been able to properly relax, and every time I’m not working on the book I feel guilty.  I haven’t slept very well in the last couple weeks, because I feel like I need to be getting this done immediately.

How do you handle the haters of the world?

The racial haters don’t bother me at all.  When someone calls me racist, it rolls right off my back.  Because I know I’m not racist.  But the haters that get to me, is people will tell me every single day that my blog has jumped the shark, it sucks now, I’m terrible, I’m not funny, I’m an awful writer.  Those have been harder, because I know for a fact that I’m not a racist, I don’t know for a fact that I’m a good writer.  I’ve had really harsh articles written about me by Gawker, and The New Republic, and Slate.com.  It’s been weird to have real media hate me, like to have real established writers hate me.  I’m like, “Dude, I didn’t start this to become famous, I just started this as a joke with my friends, and I’m amazed that I touched a nerve.”  But if you’re going to be a successful writer – something I never thought I was going to be – you have to have a thick skin.  So my skin is thickening.  

What are your plans for the future?  Is SWPL going on indefinitely?

No, of course not.  It’s an internet sensation, they don’t last forever, and in no way have I ever thought it would last forever.  The book is the end goal of all this.  As far as future plans, the plan is to see where this all takes me.    The book deal’s bought me a year to try and be a writer and see what can come out of that, and if nothing does, I’ll just go back to what I was doing before.  

Alright, time to play “Who’s Whiter?”  

Tom Selleck or Richard Dean Anderson (MacGyver)?

I’m going to say MacGyver, and here’s why: Where was Magnum P.I. stationed?  Hawaii.  Hawaii is the most mixed race area of the United States.  Magnum P.I. was just part of the melange.  

You do realize you’re basing your judgement strictly on their fictional characters?

Of course.  I don’t know anything about these guys.  Tom Selleck was Mr. Baseball, but I don’t know anything about them beyond that.

I enormously respect that.  Jesus or the Pope?

Easy: The Pope.  Jesus was black.  The Pope is German, dude, end of story.  Jesus grew up in the Middle East.

Peyton Manning or Tom Brady?

In blog terms, it’s Tom Brady all the way.  Peyton Manning’s too close to the wrong kind of white person.  Peyton Manning might be Republican.  Tom Brady’s California to Boston, he’s straight coastal.  Peyton doesn’t roll like that.  Peyton’s got that interior drive, up from New Orleans to Tennessee to Indianapolis.  

Bill Clinton or Barack Obama?

Barack Obama.  Done.  It’s not even an issue.  Bill Clinton’s black, straight up.  Bill Clinton’s from Arkansas, dude, Barack Obama’s mom is the whitest human being of all time.  

Tom Jones or Tommy Lee Jones?

Tommy Lee Jones.  He went to Harvard.  He was roommates with Al Gore.  He’s been touched by Al Gore.  Maybe not erotically, but at least in a friendly way.  And that’s enough.

Last one: You or our waiter?

He’s wearing sunglasses inside.  He wins.  Is that it?  I want more.

You want more?  Would you dare to enter the Nasty Zone?

Yeah, of course.

Alright, I didn’t want to do this: Do you wear boxers or briefs?

First of all, you know “Highway to the Danger Zone” by Kenny Loggins?  This is what he was singing about.  I’m going to walk you though my life history of underwear.  My introduction to underwear was underoos, which were straight up G.I. Joe briefs.  I loved that underwear with all my heart.  And then I got to grade seven, and people were like, “Briefs?  What are you doing, man?”  So I switched over to boxers.  

Then, I went through a brief period of boxer briefs.  And yet every time I was going to play burbee, (ed. note: ‘burbee’ or ‘wall-ball’  is like  baseball, only the strike zone is spray painted on a wall so there is no catcher), I was putting on briefs, cause I didn’t want my nuts flapping around while I was pitching.  So I’m wearing briefs for my athletic activity, and I’m wearing boxers for everything else.  And then I got older, and I was like, “Look man, my life is a constant game of burbee.”  I switched over to briefs, 100%, last year, and I don’t regret it at all.

A controversial response.  Still in the Nasty Zone: Do you sleep in the nude?

No, I do not.

Oh.  But you sleep in something sexy though, probably.

Briefs.  They take you from the boardroom to the bedroom.

And back again.

Well, I change them in the morning.

You turn them inside out.

That depends on the laundry status.