No doubt about it, when it comes to getting his fans all hot and bothered without ever actually telling them anything, LOST creator J.J. Abrams is the best there is.  Seriously kids, this guy is a marketing GENIUS and arguably the best there is in the world right now when it comes to manipulating the online world for fun and profit. 

Problem is there's got to be something of substance behind all the smoke and mirrors or else you send all the fanboys home crying ... Bet you already know what I think of Cloverfield. 

Sure, Abrams is a producer only so you can't lay it all it his feet but there's a certain amount of blame that must be shared here. First of all, after a marketing campaign heavy on the havoc - both real and implied - the film makers went and turned out a relationship drama that just happens to play out against the backdrop of giant monster mayhem.  Don't get me wrong, I actually think this is a better approach if you want your film to have any legs long term, but don't sell me one thing and give me something else. Secondly, and far more important, if what you actually want to make is a character drama it would help if, you know, you actually wrote some characters.

Here's the skinny:  Boy loves girl from afar for years, boy and girl finally do the deed, boy then ignores girl in advance of moving to Japan.  Boy is dumb.  Girl comes to Boy's going away party with new guy.  Boy is angry.  Boy sulks on fire escape.  Giant monster comes and throws giant flaming rocks at him.  Boy travels across city to save Girl, impaled on a piece of rebar in her own collapsed apartment.  Monster - and scurrying offspring - make occasional appearance to stomp / squash / bite things. Am I over simplifying?  Not really, unfortunately. 

Cloverfield is technically astounding film - shaky cam effects were all but impossible just a few years ago and these ones are GOOD - with a handful of dazzling scenes of widespread destruction but it is populated entirely with cardboard cutout characters played by largely forgettable actors.  It could have been great.  Hell, it SHOULD have been great. But, instead, it's just an okay time waster that everybody will have forgotten by next month.  Yes, I'm being harder on it than I would have been if expectations weren't ratcheted sky high but hey ... those are the breaks.  Promise greatness and I at least expect a film that hasn't forgotten that a good script is the most important ingredient.  Want to see this sort of thing done right?  Take my advice and check out recent Korean giant monster hit The Host instead ... that one gets the character work absolutely bang on and includes a hell of a lot more monster action, too.

For what it's worth, the next Abrams marketing machine is already underway, the first teaser for his Star Trek film playing in front of Cloverfield. Nothing but a shot of an under-construction Enterprise and a clip of Leonard Nimoy's voice.  Damn you, Abrams!  You've hooked me again!