Yay! It’s me, Sword Swallower! Excitingly enough, every week from hereon in, I will be hitting you with a weekly dose of musicology ranging from CD reviews to tender music memories to sharp witticisms dissecting today’s popular tunes. How exhilarating for you!

Today I’m going to backtrack to a very special time in all of our lives and write about something everyone wants to see and hear and remember. That’s right, it’s the Rush Rush video, starring none other than Paula Abdul in her less jacked-up days and Keanu Reeves in his Dogstar days. Amazing. Here is a complete guide to one of the best music videos of all time.

Rush Rush, which came out in 1991, topped the U.S. charts and rose to the number six spot that year on the UK charts. I won’t write out all the lyrics, but the beginning of the song reminds us that “you give love, you get love… and more than heaven knows.” With that insight, Paula dances about dramatically with a floaty scarf and some spectacular arm movements. I bet she choreographed this whole video herself. As you probably know, Paula is a former Laker girl and choreographed lots of artists, including Janet Jackson.

The video tells a heart wrenching story of a couple in love who can’t be together because Paula’s boyfriend is a jerk wearing a leather jacket. It begins with a perplexing scene at a police station where Keanu seems to be Paula’s husband (?). And then perhaps we flash back to their younger days. I don’t really understand what’s going on there.

Paula was 29 when this video was made and Keanu was 27, and yet they appear to be in high school, which is creepy. But at least they’re old enough for each other. The most amazing part of the video begins at 3:12, when directly after Keanu rubs a bottle of milk all over his face, there is an impressive speaking part, which I will now quote from:

Keanu, looking positively cute as a boot, after Paula tells him she’s never been in love: “It just reminds you that we’re all alone, that’s all.” Oh, gosh! What a heartthrob! I don’t want to ruin the ending for you, but I can tell you that there is a giant mansion featuring a chandelier. And a pearl necklace. Not that kind, you sick fuck.

See you next time!