Our crack team of Sideshow sexperts are busy surfing the web and watching the porn around the clock to bring you the latest in hard-core penetratables the world has to offer.

Just this week, Reggie The Vampire discovered the CB-3000, a fool-proof chastity device for guys (yours for a cool $169 U.S.), preventing blue balls before it begins. The CB-3000 can be worn under clothing and its durable transparent polycarbonate form is shaped with curving lines and has custom openings for comfort and hygiene.

Why would you wear something like this? Beats me. Maybe the barista at Starbucks gives you wet latte dreams each morning. Or the very sight of your work's receptionist makes you dial-a-boner on your way in.

Whatever the growing issue, if you've been looking to lock up the boys for fear of public scrutiny and sheer humiliation, here's your chance. Have a look at the male demo model too! Looks like he really does have a banana in his pocket.

Happy Hump Day!