Gather ‘round, bloggies – I have a secret for you: There was, indeed, a time when rock music was mysterious. And that time, my friends, was the golden age. Because as soon as the rock gods bought modems, the curtains fell and our heroes were revealed to be… kind of dim.

Case in point: Tommy Lee, drummer for Mötley Crüe and Methods of Mayhem, who used to answer all of his fans’ questions – no matter how inane, or personal – via a MoM website (which, incidentally, has not been updated since 2004).  Here, Tommy disables the spell-check and digs in, giving advice on good “DRUMM SETUPS” and bedtime reading material (“THE ART OF HAPPINESS DALI LAMA”).

This relic of Internet rockdom is one of many examples of embarrassing rockstar journaling, but Tommy’s mailbag is special for its candidness and overwhelmingly effusive tone. You can actually picture him typing these on a yacht somewhere, surrounded by bikini-clad hangers-on, drinking HPNOTIQ and balancing girls on each of his knees.

Each response features at least six exclamation marks, and almost every word is in all caps. It’s amazing, and I implore you to read every entry.

But first, a personal favourite to whet your appetite:

Cathy: Ok, call me way to innocent I guess....but what the hell was that swing in your
bathroom for? If it is for some extra fun, where do I get one of these?

Tommy: IT'S A SEX SWING!!! ITS CALLED A CHINESE BASKET!!!

Cathy: Sorry about all the mess with Pam, she really didn't think of things down the road
when the boys are older and they will know about all this stuff and really understand it, that is what is sad. Stay good and be true to yourself and your boys and life will be good!!

Tommy: THANKS SO MUCH!!!! HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU AND YOURS!!!

Click here for the goods.