It looks like crazy uncle Microsoft has gotten into some pretty futuristic crap.  Microsoft Surface, announced yesterday, is like one of those old sit-down Pac-Man machines, only if it was birthed by Tron.  From what I can tell, it’s a giant colour touch screen that makes your life amazing - though I could be misinterpreting something.

The timing of the announcement seems no coincidence, with Gates meeting Apple’s Steve Jobs for the first time in years last night.  But this is more than mere trickery by the Gates camp - with all due respect, Apple should be dumping in their proverbial pantaloons.  The Surface is actually part of larger body of work known as ‘Project Thunderface’ that will deliver a surge of world-altering cyber-life-enhancers over the next ten years, and make the iPhone look like a baby bird (ie: pathetically simplistic).

Looking forward:


2009 – Microsoft Deathwish – While it looks like a conventional dishwasher, the Deathwish actually takes your wishes and makes them into instant realities, effectively killing the traditional concept of the wish.






2011 – Gates for your Face – In an uncharacteristic bit of ego-mania, Mr. Gates releases a facial-fusion program that makes you look just like him overnight.  It’s just like ‘Being John Malkovich,’ only if ‘Being John Malkovich’ was called ‘Being the Most Popular Nerd Possible.’






2012 – The Drunk Tank – Stepping away from computers, Microsoft introduces The Drunk Tank, a heavy artillery tank for busting your friends out of the drunk tank.  Publicly stating that their target demographic is “frat boys, divorcees, and drunkards of all stripes” draws particular scorn from The Consumerist.





2015 – Chickan – Chickens that are born in cans.











And finally, 2017 will bring the advent of the single greatest human invention since gravity: THUNDERFACE!

Microsoft presents the single greatest defender of liberty and justice in the face of unthinkable evil.  Its name is Thunderface.  The speed of lightning, the power of a thousand bolts of lightning, and completely, one hundred percent odourless.

EVIL: I want to do a bad thing…
THUNDERFACE: Yeah right!

Thanks Thunderface!
Reggie.