To welcome The Moustache Contest, I decided to rock a little soup-strainer of my own. I had the feeling it was going to get ugly, but five days in, things are already far worse than I could have imagined. My phone has stopped ringing, people won’t look me in the eye, and this morning on the subway I think I made a baby throw up.
So brace yourselves folks, as I present to you the anatomy of my terrible moustache, Day 5 Edition:
1. Gradual transition from brown to blond as it moves across my upper lip. Makes my lip look dirty rather than decorated with stylish facial hair. I’m hoping this feature will pass in time.
2. A nice wide gap between hairs gives it that wispy, puberty’s-first-touch sort of feel. Drives the ladies bongo.
3. Bald spots. Yuckiness factor +10 (level up).
Hope things are going better for you. I’m closing the contest next Friday (the 23rd), so get those ‘staches primped and email them over soon.
Viva forever,
Reggie.