Well, not everyone thinks of Valentine’s Day as a great romantic day, full of love and romance and blah blah blah…  I think of Valentine’s Day as a night out with my man. But in the past, I’ve found myself having the worst luck on that dreaded day, especially if I was single at the time! I’ve read a book recently that kinda goes to extremes when it comes to bad dates.

The book’s called 50 Dates Worse Than Yours by Justin Racz and like the title says, I thought it’d be perfect for Valentine’s Day!  This is for all those out there that either can’t seem to have things go right on the famous “February the 14th” or for those that are kinda weary of the red, heartsy-fartsy day like myself. Although this book is a bit far fetched in the terrible dates, it’s a really humourous read for any in need of a good chuckle or to reminisce about ill-fated romantic attempts!  Here’s are some of the best bad dates from the book:

1.  The One Night Stand – Usually occurs around closing time when the desperate spot each other across the floor. He says: “My Place or Yours?”  She says: Just giggled while she shoves him into the cab.  Best Part:  You’re getting some!  Worst Part: You’re getting some (crabs)!

2.  Mechanical Bull Riding – A moment on the steer, a lifetime in the Supreme Court of Alabama.  He says (to his attorney): “I swear, I didn’t see her do that fifth shot of Jagermeister.”  She says (before being catapulted head first to the ground): “Look at me! No hands!”  Best Part: Collecting thousands in disability insurance.  Worst Part:  Getting dumped while you have a feeding tube in your mouth.

3.  Date Needs A Green Card – When Judy from the mailroom promised to set her up with a handsome, suave (Eastern) European, Melanie couldn’t turn her down.  He says: “Hello, marry me.”  She says: “I could only marry for love. Or ten grand.”  Best Part:  Listening to him spontaneously pledge allegiance to the flag.  Worst Part:  He slipped a I-130 residency sponsor form in front of her as she was signing her credit card slip.

4.  Date At The Local Peep Show – When he invited you to a “private screening”, this wasn’t what you had in mind.  He says: “Take away nudity and the three-ways and it’s a lot like Phantom.”  She says: “If you ever talk to me again, I’m calling the police.”  Best Part:  When his quarters ran out.  Worst Part: It looked like he still had a roll in his pocket when he got up to leave.

5. Surprise! You Were Related! – After making out, it’s back to her place where she starts flipping through the family album.  Hmmm, her cousin Jeffrey looks an awful lot like your cousin Jeffrey.  The Cost:  Six years of therapy.  He says: “ Well, the wedding would be half the size.”  She says: “What happens in the family, stays in the family, you dig?”  Best Part:  Move to Utah, join a compound, and it’s all good!  Worst Part:  You liked it!