Pop-quiz, Blogheads:

Q: What do laser tag, Laser Floyd and laser eye surgery have in common, besides being fun for the whole family?
A: (Said in a terrifying robotic voice) LAY-ZERRRRRRS.

No single invention has straddled the line between coolness and unbridled nerdliness quite like the laser beam, spawning such storied additions to the pop culture landscape as the Star Wars Kid and the more recent Laser Cats.

Well count on lasers to one-up themselves yet again with Wicked Lasers, which are, according to their website, so wicked they will make you sick.  They sell lasers that range in price from slightly reasonable ($99.99) to completely ridiculous ($1,699.99) and can perform such handy day-to-day tasks as burning holes in trash bags and “open-cut healing power”.  Nothing beats a laser beam shot into an open wound to brighten up my day.

To celebrate how truly wicked Wicked Lasers are, I thought I’d drop some knowledge-bombs about lasers that you probably weren’t aware of:

1. There is not one mention of laser beams in the Canadian Constitution Act of 1982.  Not one.  Such bullshit.
2. Laser is actually an acronym that stand for “Lasers Are So Effin’ Radical.”
3. If a laser beam ever knocks on your door, don’t answer it.  They can’t come in your house unless you invite them.
4. Rainbows are actually made out of lasers, shot out of God’s heart.
5. I’ve been told by a number of reputable sources that lasers had a thing with Angelina Jolie just before she got together with Brad Pitt.  Scandalicious!!!

Add that to your knowledge-pot and let it simmer till the Super Bowl.  Should feed eight to 10 Bears fans (if they’re not that hungry).

Happy weekend!