It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for. It’s time when I make my annual predictions for the coming year. I’m sorry I’m late, but I’ve been waiting for my mind (and liver) to clear up after the holidays.
1. Through my murky crystal ball I see Cake having issues with aggression in
Rent-A-Goalie. The goalies may have the skill, but they need a lot more bite. I see someone like Tie Domi or Marty McSorley guest starring.
2. I also see in a haze,
Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton, but they’re not just hanging out together, they’re well, you get the idea… or is it
Jenna Jameson that I see?
3. The next season of
Weeds will show us the progressive growth of the business. Watch it on Showcase, or better yet, on the nightly news as Andy Botwin brings the biz north of the border.
4. Oh no, it’s
Brad Pitt that I can see in the ball now – he’s found out that he’s the father of child – and it’s not Angelina’s. Could it be that
Jennifer Aniston finally got pregnant??!! I swear it’s true, cuz I saw it on the
Maury Povich Show.
5. I know I’m a bit intoxicated, but this Valentine’s Day, Julian from the
Trailer Park Boys will realize that the best “get rich” scheme will be when he finally lands Barb Lahey. We know that she’s established, has money, and so what if she’s a tad old for him, she’s gotta be on the prowl for younger meat right?
6. I awoke from a dream the other night and had a vision we would see
Kenny and Spenny in a threesome sometime this year. I realized then that I was watching it on Showcase. Bad part was it wasn’t one of those humiliations or dares that we usually see, it was a part of the show. It looked like a scene from
Porno Valley.
7. My vision is clearest here. In
CSI, I think they’re going to solve more murder investigations this year than ever before! Well, they’re going to find a body, investigate what happened to that person, and solve the case. You know I’m right!
8. My last prediction will be that I will sober up by the end of 2007 – just in time to make next years’ predictions. I can’t imagine what that would be like. Who am I kidding, if it aint broke, don’t fix it!