Yep, Marlon Wayans is in one of this weekend's movies. And some big ol' subway trains are too! What more can you ask for? (*)

• (*) That's not a rhetorical question – answer me, dammit! 

                        By inserting this photo, my blog title becomes 100% accurate.

Friday, Feb. 3, 10pm, plus Saturday, Feb 4, 3am, 3:30pm and 10pm. BONUS! Sunday, Feb. 5, 3:30am – G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Saturday, Feb. 4, 12:30am – Taking of Pelham 123
Saturday, Feb. 4, 12:30pm, plus Sunday, Feb. 5, 12:30am – Minority Report

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
The cast: Dennis Quaid, Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans
The Showcase synopsis: "G.I. Joe takes on an evil organization led by a notorious arms dealer."
The dad pun Twitter hashtag: #ThisMovieGaveMyCobraARise!

Okay, even the Queen Mum (God rest her soul) knows 'G.I. Joe' is the code name for an elite covert Special Forces unit operating under the control of the United States Military. Simply put, the G.I. Joe guys are an ass-kicking bunch of patriots that mean business. In fact, meaning business IS their business. Plus, when your squad consists of the least crazy Quaid brother, the least annoying Wayans brother, and Channing Tatum, a guy who had to get tough awfully quick after his parents gave him a girl name, it's clear the Badass-o-Meter's gonna be cranked to eleven. Watch this movie or the Joes will END you, traitor.

                                    The G.I. Joes doing the ol’ Law & Order Opening Credits Walk.

Taking of Pelham 123
The cast: John Travolta, Denzel Washington, Luis Freakin' Guzmán
The Showcase synopsis: "Armed men hijack a New York City subway train, holding the passengers hostage in return for a ransom, and turning an ordinary day's work for dispatcher Walter Garber into a face-off with the mastermind behind the crime."
The dad pun Twitter hashtag: #TakeMyPelham…Please!

Here's the straight goods: with a little elbow grease, pretty much any armchair train hijacker could take Pelham 1. It was the first of the Pelhams, and although not 'buggy' per se, let's just agree a lot of its features were still being beta tested. Most of these kinks were worked out by the time Pelham 2 rolled around, so theft-wise, not as easy a task. That being said, I'll give John Q. Regular-Guy Hijacker the benefit of the doubt and say he could possibly take that too.

But folks, you'd need a special kind of malevolent supervillian to take Pelham 1, 2, AND 3. By volume alone that's a serious buttload of Pelhams. Ah, but that's where John Travolta comes in. And come in he does, 'cause John's character – the nefarious Pellhamburglar – grabs the New York subway system by the brass cojones!

Okay, I've just been informed 'Pelham 123' is the name of one singular NYC train, as opposed to, you know, three.

Additionally, it turns out Travolta's character goes by the name 'Ryder,' and not 'Pellhamburglar,' as was previously implied. Otherwise, everything else in this blog is very, absolutely correct.

                                                        Disregard this.

Minority Report
The cast: Tom Cruise, Colin Farrell, Samantha Morton
The Showcase synopsis: "Tom Cruise stars as a Washington, D.C. detective in the year
2054. He works for a special police unit that arrests murderers before they've committed their actual crimes."
The dad pun Twitter hashtag: #MinorityGetsAmajorityOfThumbsUp!

I always enjoy movies and TV shows made several years ago that are set in the future. Once, I saw an old episode of The Time Tunnel from 1967, where Doug and Tony travel to the 'future,' a.k.a. 1978. While there, they face several 1978-esque obstacles, including immobilization rays, citywide force fields, and alien-controlled societies. Which to The Time Tunnel's credit is an eerily precise depiction of the late seventies.

Minority Report – which is set in 2054 – hit theatres a full decade ago. And although 2054 is still a ways away, I reckon Spielberg's brilliant vision of that fateful future-year holds up quite nicely. With one exception: I'm thinking that 40 years from now, scientists will have found a cure for men under the height of 5'6".

                         “No video games until you finish your minority report, young man!”

This week we've got  Superman and John McClane uniting to fight kidnappers, ghosts on a plane, more Hunger Games, and a new Star Wars trailer which is either a brilliant parody or a terrible, terrible mistake.

The Cold Light of Day

I don't know about you, but I'm always up for a Bruce Willis action thriller. In his latest he stars opposite Henry Cavill (titular star of the upcoming Superman film Man of Steel), who plays an American tourist whose mother and siblings gets kidnapped while vacationing in Spain. Luckily, his dad (Willis) is business consultant/secret CIA agent. Unluckily, everyone seems to want him dead. Sigourney Weaver also stars.

7500

In 7500, passengers on a plane from the U.S. to Japan encounter a malevolent supernatural force. From the looks of it, the film will rely heavily on the startle factor that has proven to be so successful (and lucrative) for the Paranormal Activity franchise. Anyway, there's not much more to say about the trailer other than Alec Baldwin should have played the guy who wouldn't turn off his electrical devices and that the movie absolutely needs  a Samuel L. Jackson cameo. Jamie Chung, Leslie Bibb, and Ryan Kwanten star.

The Hunger Games

The first Hunger Games trailer hit the web a few months ago, but now we've got the second look at one of 2012's most anticipated movies. If you've read the book you already know what the deal is...if not, well, this is the film that's based on the novel you've been seeing everyone read on the subway lately. Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson, and Liam Hemsworth star.

Star Wars: The Phantom Menace 3D - The Soon-to-be-an -Internet-Meme Kids Featurette

George Lucas frequently takes heat over his treatment of Star Wars and its legacy.  A lot of heat. In fact, sometimes I used to think he takes too much heat. But now I'm not so sure. His latest baffling misfire is a 'Kids (surprisingly not spelled with a z) Featurette' for the 3D release of The Phantom Menace. The terrible voiceover sounds like it came straight out of one of those nauseating  90's toy ads, and delivers such classics as 'Hey wait, a double-sided lightsaber? That's not fair!', 'Chill out, R2! I was just getting to you and C3PO', and 'Hurry up, Qui Gonn! You don't want to be late for the celebration!'.  Spoiler alert kidz: Qui Gonn gets stabbed in the chest and doesn't even make it to the celebration anyway.  I know this was made for small children who don't know any better, but this thing would be patronizing for a 7-year old.

Also: Too much Jar-Jar.

Reunion Pictures today announced that production is underway on Continuum, an original one hour drama-action series about a policewoman from 2077 who travels back in time and teams with a present day cop to track down escaped convicts from her future. Continuum is slated to premiere in Canada on Shaw Media’s specialty channel, Showcase in spring 2012.

When a group of fanatical terrorists escapes their planned execution in the year 2077, they vault back in time to the year 2012, sweeping dedicated CPS Protector, Kiera Cameron (Rachel Nichols), along with them. Stuck in the past and unable to get back to her husband and son, Kiera concentrates on bringing down the terrorists before they can wreak havoc in our present. Kiera receives unexpected assistance from a teen tech genius Alec Sadler (Erik Knudsen). Impersonating a member of local law enforcement, Kiera also forms an uneasy alliance with her detective partner Carlos Fonnegra (Victor Webster).

“We've been excited about this show from the day Simon Barry told us the story,” says Reunion Pictures Tom Rowe. “It's attracted a lot of terrific talent on both sides of the camera. Shaw Media shares our belief that smart writing, a great cast and a highly creative production team will bring us all success.”

Starring Rachel Nichols (Criminal Minds, Alias) Victor Webster (Castle, Melrose Place) Erik Knudsen (Jericho, Scream 4) the cast also includes Stephen Lobo (Smallville, Little Mosque On The Prairie), Roger Cross (The Gates, Fringe), Lexa Doig (V, Stargate SG-I), Omari Newton (Blue Mountain State, Sophie), Luvia Petersen (The L Word) and Terry Chen (Combat Hospital).